and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
