I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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