Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
