dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
