He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
