also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize