Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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