Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
