theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
