Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
