My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
