NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
