so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
there is puke in my bra ... again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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