I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
