so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
third nipple confirmed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
