What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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