I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
