If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Say something about gay babies.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
