i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
