I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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