No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
