I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
