Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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