My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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