She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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