oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
