I want to have your abortion
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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