Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
