Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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