That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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