He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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