from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
