I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
3pm strippers are depressing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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