Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
