im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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