dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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