I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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