i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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