I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
