i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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