Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
