margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
