well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His hands were made for my vagina.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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