using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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