the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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