If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
