Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
