he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
