Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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