so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
