Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize