my sisters under your porch take her home
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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