Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
