Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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