I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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