It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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