umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
