so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
