I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
