btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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