i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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