i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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