god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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