i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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