At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
