If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
