He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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