Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
